A Joyful Season Through it All

“In your silent night, when you’re not alright, lift your eyes and behold HIM.” -Behold HIM by Francesca Battistelli

Having an illness means that it doesn’t go away during special times in life. Still sick during the holidays. In fact, my illness has even been processing further during this season. But, even as I lay in bed with debilitating symptoms unable to live life, I can still have joy this Christmas season. Doing family worship every single day for advent (November 28-January 6) has been one of my most cherished memories these days. It is like a mini service every day with Scripture, prayer, meditations, creeds, catechism questions, and adorations! It has really set my mind to be excited on CHRIST. I’m so blessed, so blessed, y’all. Through the raw tears, through the unending pain, through my life spent in bed, through it all, I have an eternal joy in JESUS my LORD. HE holds me. I cannot express how grateful and joyful I am. Through the hard news, through the waiting, through the loneliness, through the grief, HIS comforting arms are gently wrapped around me. Even being mostly bed-bound, I have a purpose in life. Even when normal teen things are taken away from me (school, work, activities, hobbies, trips), I can sing through the tears. And no, I am not strong. I could not last one second without the LORD grasping ahold onto me. I am not a “strong girl,” in fact, I’m incredibly weak. My flesh wants to sob and be depressed and doubt, but the HOLY SPIRIT inside me doesn’t let that happen. Even when I don’t understand, I can fully trust the LORD. I see HIM every single day. I feel the thrill of hope. I feel the joy. Even in some of the toughest times in my life and my illness, I feel so joyful and thankful and grateful and blessed. JESUS came to earth for me. HE bled for me. HE took on my sin and gave me HIS righteousness. What more could I ask for? HE has been so over exceeding in earthly abundance as well. HE has blessed me with truthfully the best family on this earth. The most wonderful parents who have brought me up in CHRIST. I love them and look up to them so much. The loveliest and most fun siblings whom I truthfully consider my best friends. The sweetest fur sons I could have been given (my piggies). The best local Body I could imagine (my church). And as I spend most of my time in bed, I get to have the cutest most “teen” room I could ask for. It has anime posters by my bed, and lots of manga on my shelves. I get to lay here with airpods and sing worship songs and Christmas songs. You guys. I cannot put this into words. My earthly body is indeed failing me. My illness is indeed getting worse. I am indeed not able to “live much.” But, I can’t put away this smile and joyful and blessed tears as I write this. My JESUS is so, so good and so, so beautiful. Even if it’s in a different way from a majority of the world, I get to behold HIM from right where I am. HE doesn’t require anything, only my heart. Oh to love HIM more. Oh how I want to love HIM so much more than I do. What a joyful season it is!! -Sabina